2.22 - And Now for Something Completely Different...

This entire semester I have done nothing but work. It has always been for a purpose, be it for my own personal career development or as the general consensus seems to suggest the menial almost indentured servitude that is quickly the replacing the ways Wally World is being ran these days. I am sick of it. I have had no option for personal reflection, no respite from the rigors of my routine.

We all need an escape, something to simply gratify our overwhelming desires to be free from the routines we MUST do. We need something to do for our own enjoyment.

At this time last year I was in excellent shape thanks to a daily workout regimen. I was eating properly. I was writing notes like this either daily or semi-daily with what my work/school/social schedules would allow. Though I’d get the occasional sinus infection from Tennessee’s weather being schizophrenic, they were not very severe and were very brief. I may have been in a roommate situation that I couldn’t stand, but other than that I was emotionally satisfied.

Look at me now or rather about a week or two ago. I have not had a day off both class and work since before January 14 when classes started back. Aside from the few nights, friends and I have gone out for a drink or two -I’ve cut back- I have had no social life to break the constant struggle. I have lost much of my figure thanks to never having the time to work out. I have almost lost all desire to cook and struggle to find the time to do so or even have the chance to go out to buy the ingredients that a meal would require. I have had two sinus infections so far this year, each of which are the worst ones I have had my entire life whose severity on several days have led me to believe I had the flu. Even the completely innocent and spontaneous act of blogging has become a school related activity for my knowledge management class, in which I’m limited to writing about topics that have to deal with either school or knowledge management in general.

And of all the times for a potential downhill breakdown, why'd it have to be my last semester of college?

Well, guess what?

I’m not going to let that happen.

I hit the breaking point over the course of last week. A sinus infection as powerful as the one I had earlier this year developed, causing me to have to skip one of my most important classes for a second time. I was wracked with cold and hot chills all hours of the day and night. I could barely move my back or neck, and I had no appetite. One good look in a mirror and it was obvious I was hemorrhaging weight thanks to my still overactive metabolism.

I realized, I had to change this or I simply wouldn’t survive mentally or physically.

I have been overworked this entire semester between my classes and especially work where I am still as Chris so eloquently put it “an overachiever” who is constantly at arms with the most ineffective and callous group of morons who have dubbed themselves leaders in an environment where those in power are avidly trying to silence the voices of the individuals amongst all the ranks. In college I am still striving my hardest because my end is in sight, and I simply cannot allow it to delay any longer.

On Friday after suffering through the turmoil of the second sinus infection on Thursday, I woke up and did something I rarely do, I called out of work. That’s right, the overachiever called out. This was partly due to medical reasons of trying to beat this infection before this weekend where I would need to be in top shape since we have been constantly understaffed in that great time of need. But the medical reasons was simply a veneer hiding my true intentions, I needed a break in the routine. Friday was a day of almost meditative reflection and healing. In order to try to vitalize my body, I doubled up on my daily dosages of vitamins in an attempt to gain back the vitamins and minerals my poor eating habits were not providing. It helped, it helped a lot.

As the second sinus infection settled in, began to restart my workout routine, and although I am still blowing blood ridden mucus and sinus slime out of my nose and have a nasty cough, I’m sticking to it. My muscles are remembering their potential and are coming back. My appetite is returning, and with it, so is my desire to cook.

With those two most important subjects out of the way, I am going to start writing again. This is not going to be just for a class. This is going to be for myself. I need a creative outlet. I have to have something like this to define who I am, even if the only person who reads it is myself.

I return to where I was a year ago, only this time more travel worn (with a beard to prove it) and experienced. Strong-willed and as determined as ever. I am the one who finds solace in the chaos in the chaos around me. I am the one who challenges the complacent. I am the one who attacks those who consider themselves my superior. And I do it all, with a smirk on my face and determined glare in my eyes.

I am me.

Cheers,
Eric Summers
And there’s no stopping me.